When You Find Yourself Alone for the Holidays

We're always talking about being grateful at Thanksgiving which may have something to do with the reminder in its very name, THANKSgiving. Who isn't going to remember to be grateful when the word 'thanks' is part of the holiday?

I am getting better at remembering to be grateful on an almost daily basis. I've tried the thankful journals but I can't seem to get them to continue after a couple months. I forget to write down my gratefuls for the day after that but I do remember to mention them in my mind and that counts, right? I mean, as long as we're aware of our thankfuls, we don't' really have to write them down. I think.

Sometimes it feels as though life is trying to steal our joy and take our focus off our thankfuls which really means we can't see our thankfuls or feel the feels because all we're focused on are the reasons the holidays aren't going to be the way they've been in the past. As I continue to read posts on that Empty Nesters Facebook group I realize some Empty Nesters are having trouble finding their Christmas gratefuls. I suppose I would, too if I found myself home alone for the holidays while my family members were out celebrating with other families or if they lived so far away coming home just wasn't in the cards. But Y'all, we have to find some way to have a grateful heart even though...

I know for most of us the most important people in our lives are our families, especially our children no matter how old they are and being without them certainly can put a damper on our holiday celebrations.

And what if all that is coupled by not wanting to intrude on the celebrations of friends' families? Not having a church or some other social group? Not having a SO? No pet? Just us. Alone. There are folks out there who are finding themselves alone during the holidays. Instead of being overtaken by sadness, surely there are ways to combat being alone for the holidays. I do not have firsthand knowledge of this and I hope I never do but should it happen---

Here's what I hope I would do should I ever find myself alone during the holidays:

1. Put on that Christmas music, watch those Christmas movies, and get those decorations up anyway. If you've always decorated for Christmas, now is not the time to stop. Simplify if you'd like but not decorating won't help. You've enjoyed your decorations all those years before, enjoy them now. Take on a new appreciation. Get some new ornaments. Just decorate. AND THEN order something for yourself and have it delivered gift wrapped and put it under the tree. 
2. Make a holiday meal and the traditional goodies anyway. If you don't want to eat them, wrap them up for neighbors and friends. Just because you are alone doesn't mean you can't participate. 
3. Go on holiday or make it seem so right at home. 
4. Serve at a homeless shelter, an orphanage, volunteer at My Sister's House, spend time at the ASPCA. Anything anywhere. There are people and animals who need love so I hope I'd share mine with them. We've served at a soup kitchen type place in the past and I promise it's worth it to go. The conversations you will have with those down on their luck are nothing less than fascinating. And Y'all, the nursing homes are full of elderly folks who have been placed there and forgotten. There are so many who are alone every time a holiday rolls around. Make those connections. 
5. Get outside and look for those sharing goodwill. Just watching others walking around with an attitude of goodwill can make you feel better inside. 
6. Get out and enjoy the sights and sounds of the season. The colors, the carolers, the happy faces, the houses with lights, SANTA! It's all out there, go. experience. it. 
7. Get out with a camera and record what other people are doing. We spend our holidays with our lovely families but if faced without them for the season, how fun would it be to get out and record what we see other families doing? Not in a creepy way, of course. 
8. Walk yourself right into a church for their Christmas service. Some will be welcoming (and yes, I have something to say about churches who are not welcoming but this is not the place) and you may just find some new friends. 
9. Make yourself a new tradition or two.
10. Host a holiday gathering at home and invite anyone and everyone. 

The main thing here would be to not dwell on not having your family with you over the holidays but to find meaning for yourself. Stop yourself from letting the thoughts of what isn't happening prevent you from enjoying the holidays anyway. No, it won't be the same but that doesn't mean it can't be pleasant and enjoyable. Heck, you might even have fun! What?!

Perhaps starting an Empty Nest social media group for locals and connecting would help connect with other empty nesters who will understand your position. Or a book club for empty nesters or just a weekly or monthly social outing. Like it or not, our kids are going to grow up and fly out on their own. While this is a very good and natural thing, if you're having trouble with it there are plenty of ways to share all that love and care that doesn't stop just because the kids did grow up and move on.

If you do find yourself alone this holiday season, try to change your mindset. Focus on what you can do instead of what isn't happening. If you can't pull yourself out of it, please reach out for help to someone even if it isn't family. If you know someone who will be alone, reach out and invite them over.

Christmas is the perfect time for caring and sharing and you might find it follows you throughout the year instead of one day.

Have Y'all ever found yourselves alone on a holiday?

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