L is for LOSER

I have had several goals in my life.  None of them have been anything one would consider fascinating or world changing, but I did have them.  Not all of my goals have been reached but that’s ok because, as life happened, I realized that a lot of those goals were either unimportant or I simply lost interest.  Then again, most of them were probably achieved on a smaller scale once I reached the ‘become a mommy’ goal because I poured at least 210% into our daughters.  Now that the girls are out on their own, I have new goals.  And they are pretty darn boring.  Things like redecorating the two now empty bedrooms; remodeling the master bathroom (don’t get me started on this one); finish scrapbooking 27 years worth of pictures; and so on.  But my biggest goal right now is to be a LOSER.

Seriously, my current dream/goal/hope/aspiration is to be a LOSER.  Yes folks, I want to be a LOSER of all this excess, unwanted, unhealthy weight that I had such a freaking great time putting on.  I want to be the kind of LOSER who loses all this weight and then completely forgets where she put it so it can never come back again.  It is this desperate desire that has led me to develop my own plan of attack that will, hopefully, enable me to reach my goal of LOSER.  I have taken the things that make sense from the Atkins diet and Suzanne Somers’ plan, combined them and created ASS off.  Part of my plan is not allowing the scale to dampen my spirits or thwart my efforts (one because my current weight number is a bad, bad number and B because if it doesn't go down fast, my mind tells me to go ahead and eat whatever I want to because it's never going to happen--even though I know that the days of eating whatever I want to and staying thin are LONG gone--this is called total sabotage.).  The other part of the plan is my attitude.  I know that I will not be successful without truly wanting it.  If I am NOT finally tired of carrying around the excess weight, it will either stay or go and come back.  If I am NOT finally ready to turn away from bad habits, they will reappear.  If I am NOT finally ready to make healthy choices, I will shorten my life.  

I remember exactly when I started putting the 83 pounds I lost in 2009 right back on---it was December of that same year and there was this homemade oatmeal raisin cookie and I thought to myself, "Hey, these are so good and one scrumptiously delicious cookie will not hurt."  And the thought behind that thought was, "Don't do it, it will spark your sweet tooth and you won't stop."  My actions went with the first thought.  The one in the forefront.  The sabotage thought.  So I ate that wonderfully delightful cookie.  I would tell you how many more I ate, but I lost count because, after that first tantalizingly tasty bite of that first cookie my thought was, "SUGAR!  Where have you been all of my life?!"  That was the beginning of the end.  

And now, I'm right back where I started.  But I do not care.  It's a new day and I'm hoping this is a true new attitude.  We shall see as time goes on.  I really do hope it's for real this time because this Sisyphus crap is getting old. 

This is the 12th day of the A-Z Blog Challenge for the month of April. And this thing is getting harder instead of easier...thankfully, we're nearly halfway there!  Just click the badge on my sidebar if you want to check it out!