U is for Undermine

I tend to undermine myself when it comes to my weight loss efforts.  Things will be going well and I will convince myself to have one little tiny piece of something of the sugary goodness variety and BAM!  My refusal to eat sugar takes it in the back and dies.  Once that happens, I further undermine my efforts by using logical reasoning skills.  “Oh come on.  One bite isn’t going to bother anything;  Pul-ease, maybe you’re just meant to be fat;  Maybe your thin days are simply over;  Who really cares what you look like; You’re too old to lose weight now…”  all the while shoving candy or cookies or ice cream down my throat.   Seriously, I don’t even pay attention to how much time passes by while I’m rationalizing my sugar habit.  Oh and crabs?  Same thing.  I’ll eat and eat and eat them.  

I am hopeful that Hubs won’t undermine my efforts.  Not that he does this maliciously but he will do some little things that he SHOULD know will undermine this most difficult yet necessary endeavor.  For example, he brought a store bought carrot cake into the house for Easter dinner in case anyone (guess who) was not interested in my sugar free cheesecake.  He assured me he would take whatever was left uneaten (‘U’ word) into work, yet it still sits in my fridge.  The little bit of leftover candy is still sitting here too.  So far, it’s not been a big deal.  I have successfully stayed away from that evil deliciousness.  I did have to talk to myself about the carrot cake though—“I see it there but you may NOT have any so get it out of your mind.”  And, poof!  Out it went.  Of course, it’s only been one day.  

I am also hopeful that my acute awareness of this ability to undermine myself will be one of the keys to losing this massive amount of blubber  and keeping it off BECAUSE the number that registers on the scale is UNGODLY—another ‘U’ word.  At least my former cravings and the foods that appease them are not ubiquitous (yet another ‘U’ word) this time.  Not only are they not ever-present, but my cravings have unquestionably (clever, eh?) diminished.  The only concern I have is whether or not this is an undeviating (what?!  Another one?!) situation or will I, sooner or later, revert back to my usual (!!!) attempts of undermining.   Only time will tell.  And I hope it tells quickly because, if this doesn’t work, I just may become unhinged.      

This is the 21st day (well, it's MY 21st day, it's really the 22nd day --I should be on 'V'-- but I took a break on Saturday to be with the family) of the A-Z Blog Challenge for the month of April. The hardest letters for me are within these last days...thankfully, we're almost FINISHED!  I just might make it!