So, we move on to Day 4 of Mari's 27 Days of Journaling to Health and Happiness. (Remember: I have extended the giveaway for this book to tonight at midnight due to the Blogger mess).
Day 4 was a bit revealing. This was a day of traveling back to my childhood, recalling a time that was difficult and then describing the detailed scene in my journal. The next step was to write what I was thinking and feeling. Finally, I wrote what that experience made me believe about myself.
Whoa. THAT belief came from THAT experience in my CHILDHOOD? Huh....
Continuing on, I wrote how that belief has shown up in my life. Crazy, dude.
Finally, I was to write examples of how I am NOT like that at all and then finish up with the statement, "I AM ________." In the blank goes the opposite of the belief I developed from that particular childhood scene.
Without going into detail, my memory was about a time that one of my cousins said something to me which I apparently interpreted as meaning that I am INFERIOR. Which explains a lot. Who knew?
Anyway, I ended up having to write, "I AM WORTHY."
Now, here's the kicker. Apparently I am responsible for developing that particular view of myself because as a child I saw my "experiences as fact." I was not able to "separate actual events from my interpretation of those events." WHAT?! I can't keep blaming my parents, cousins, so-called friends, etc. for any of this?! (Nope, they are responsible for their actions but I am responsible for my interpretation). Apparently, as we become adults, we should "reevaluate the beliefs we've held onto for so long, the ones that our inner critics repeat endlessly in the back of our minds." (The quotes are from Mari's book).
No wonder I tried to be so careful of the things I said to my girls while they were growing up!
I could spend the next 100 days on this exercise alone! The good news here is that I can recognize these beliefs for what they are and move on towards HEALTH AND HAPPINESS! (Lucky me since I'm so good at letting things go...NOT!).
Since Blogger messed us up pretty bad last night and today, I am EXTENDING THE CONTEST for Mari's book until midnight SATURDAY.
All you have to do is leave a comment stating that you would like to enter the giveaway. It's that simple.
MAKE SURE YOU LEAVE YOUR EMAIL ADDRESSES SO I CAN CONTACT THE WINNER!
Hmmm. When I was 8 my 9 year old much loved and best friend brother was killed in an RTA while riding the bike I'd pleaded for. I was sent away to relatives in another city the day after the funeral which I didn't attend. I wasn't fetched home for 12 months and wasn't visited or contacted in any way by anyone during that time.
ReplyDeleteI interpreted the way I was treated as rejection - can you think of a more realistic alternative interpretation?
Jane- I'm not the therapist, I'm just using the book for some self-discovery. I thought about people who have experienced much deeper hurts than I ever did as a child and wondered how this exercise applied to them. And then, there is the fact that I haven't delved any deeper than that comment from my cousin who was quite bitter at the time. Although I do have some thoughts on your experience, I doubt they would be helpful at all. I will say that I am most certain that I, too, would have interpreted it the very same way you did. And I would most likely been even more bitter than I already am. Of course, this is one thing that I am hoping to overcome with the aid of this exploratory book.
ReplyDeleteIt is amazing how sad childhood memories always stay with us. I could remember so many events like they were yesterday. I think that many people don't realize how hurtful they are. This is an excellent topic! Julie
ReplyDeleteJulie- I agree. I certainly didn't realize that the comment from my cousin had such an impact on me until I wrote about it in my journal. Some of this is not the easiest path to travel.
ReplyDeleteAfter reading Janes comment, I felt a pit in my stomach. As children, we all experince situations that have a profound affect on our psyche but what Jane experienced is beyond my comprehension.
ReplyDeleteBless you Jane.
Shawn-I know exactly what you mean. I can't fathom it either.
ReplyDeleteI grew up in a pretty challenging household but I've learned to move up and move on.
ReplyDeleteMrs.-Good for you! I think I have too, but there are a few things that I had no idea stemmed from childhood. I guess they weren't obvious because those that were obvious, I've moved past. Those hidden ones are a pain.
ReplyDeleteThis is a really interesting post, and I am glad to hear that you are working through these things. I can't believe what Jane went through, I found it truly shocking that people could do that do a child
ReplyDeleteThanks to Shawn, Annie and EN for your empathetic comments. Altho I wouldn't pretend that it all didn't affect my relationships with my parents, and with the younger brother who got to stay at home, still children are resilient to an extent. It's left me with the unhappy facility to cut people off cold and with no looking back if they hurt me, regardless of the relationship.
ReplyDeleteI'm a laugh a minute, aren't I lol :O)
Annie- Me too! Made me want to go punch somebody out!
ReplyDeleteJane-Can't blame you there. I'd cut them off too. Wait a minute...I do do that! Only I'm not sure why. Just know that we care and you are loved!
Love reading your blog, Pam. Looks like your putting the book to good use! See me smile! WriteON!
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