Tone of Voice Getting You Down?

One of the exercises for self-exploration was to write about the way we talk to ourselves when we are upset vs the way we talk to our friends when they are upset.  I discovered a bit of a difference.

When my BFF calls upset, it's always over the same issue.  This is a woman who gives 110% every single day of her life with no expectation of return.  Ever.  She loves unconditionally.  But there are people in her life who, well....let's just say that there are people in her life who take her for granted and have no appreciation for her giving nature.  Oh, they take just fine.  But they are not grateful.

We all have someone in our lives like this--or at least most of us do.  And, if we don't, we probably know someone who does.

What is upsetting for my BFF is not that she gets no appreciation it's that she gets negativity to the point of it being hurtful.  She is the first one they come to with needs but, once the needs are filled, they shut her out and use hurtful, hateful words to do so.

When these occasions arise, I am as positive as I can possibly be.  I remind her of all the good she does and of all the people who do love her and treat her with respect.  I talk about how generous her spirit is and that she simply has the misfortune to be surrounded by ingrates.  If I make suggestions, I do so gently but firmly and I am honest with her.  I remind her that she would still give someone the shirt off her back even as they stood right there and threw insults in her face because she does not want anyone to go without.  I tell her that I am sorry she is treated badly but that I am grateful that she is who she is. 

The question now becomes:  Do I do the same thing for myself when I am upset?  Um....No.  Not exactly.  I am way harder on myself than I am on others.  Though I have gotten much better over the years.  I think it had to do with the fact that if my girls were going to have positive self images, then I was going to have to have a positive self image myself.

For example, where I might once have told myself, "You're really stupid to think that."  I will now say something like, "That was not a smart thing to do" or "Come on now, you know better than that."

Oh course, I am struggling now with getting upset over the weight thing.  I try not to give it much thought because I am so good at sabotaging myself.  I figure that if I just eat healthy, I'll lose.  And I have lost some.  But it's SUCH A DARN SLOW PROCESS that I do get frustrated with myself.

I know the process well because, from May 25, 2009 through December 2009, I lost 83 pounds.  And then I let a homemade oatmeal raisin cookie (my dad can bake the hell out of some cookies!) get the best of me and followed that one by another dozen or so and the sugar was back in full appeal.  It took me over a year to put this weight back on.  At first I didn't think I had put that much back on but I had (pretty sure that's called denial).  And so, here I go again.  (Sorry, tangent there...)

Anyway, the point is that, when I get frustrated, I am not very nice to myself.  And when this happens you would think that it would cause me to avoid eating---especially eating the foods I should not.  But no.  It actually triggers my desire to eat.  And this becomes a battle that this time, so far, I have won.  But the battles are many.

The last exercise was to think of what my BFF would say to me while I was upset and try to internalize the kind tone in order to say those things to myself instead of ---well, instead of the things I do say when I'm frustrated about the weight.

My BFF would say, "Come on, let's go do something to take your mind off things" or "You can do this.  Don't let your thoughts control you; YOU control your thoughts."

And that sounds a whole lot better than something like "Look at you.  You're just a fatty." 

Today is a brand new day of a brand new week.  I'm going to look my weight frustrations in the eye and dare them to bother me!

Do you talk to yourself with the kindness of your BFF?