Thickheaded

I began yet another weight loss journey in June. Yep, another one. And the question to ask is, "Why ANOTHER one?"

Basically, it took several attempts because my mindset was completely wrong. Or, more likely, nonexistent. My motivation was wrong. My determination was lacking. My desire was fleeting. My direction was misguided.

Now, it's all different. Now, I am ready. Now, I get it. Now, my mindset is right on the money.

BUT, until I arrived at the right mindset, no amount of coddling, bullying, begging, trying, wanting was going to make those unhealthy pounds go away and stay away. I had to get to the point where I really, truly did NOT want to continue on my path of destruction.

I had to come to the realization that I was using food, people, situations, emotional fits, etc. as scapegoats for the real problem--ME.

It was NOT other people causing me to turn to food. It was me putting my expectations on them. I had a mindset of when/where/what/how of all I wanted from them and they were not complying. And why should they?! I know that when I put my expectations on others I am going to be disappointed. I also know that this is a completely ridiculous thing to do to people. We are only in control of ourselves, not others. Duh.

It was NOT situations of stress that caused me to turn to food. It was my inappropriate ways of dealing with those situations by using them as an excuse to turn to food. Are you seeing a pattern here? I do.

It was NOT my emotions causing me to turn to food when I was sad/angry/happy/stressed. It was my denial. My refusal to deal with the causes of these emotions.

It was NOT the food itself. It was my abuse of the food. I had convinced myself that I would feel better and be better able to deal with people and situations if I just ate. And ate. And ate. So I did.

Yes, I see how absolutely ridiculously errant this way of thinking was. But I see it NOW. I didn't see it then.

With this new found clarity of mind not only comes a healthier lifestyle including the types of food I eat and fitness coupled with weight loss, but it also comes with many other positives:

• I no longer care whether or not the scale moves each week.
• I care more about the types of food I eat and how it is prepared.
• I appreciate a good sweat from working out as opposed to merely walking through my house.
• I can walk between two chairs whereas before, I couldn't make it sucking in and turning sideways.
• I can buckle my seat belt and still move.
• I can pull my pants up without wiggling into them.
• I can walk from my car to wherever without shortness of breath.
• I can walk 6 miles in under an hour and a half and still have the energy to do whatever I want to do.
• I can sit in a movie theater and put the arm rests down AND they go all the way down instead of resting on my hips.
• I can bend over and touch the floor with the palms of my hands.
• I can bend over and tie my shoes without grunting and becoming short of breath.
• I can look down while walking and see all of me instead of just my feet. 
• I can sit in a restaurant booth with actual space between my stomach and the table.
• I can go to one of DoodleBug's ultimate frisbee tournaments, sit in the camp chair AND get up by myself without a struggle.
• I can walk up a flights of stairs without breaking into a sweat and considering dialing 911.
• I get to enjoy my ASICS every day.
• I feel good about ME.

Of course, there are the occasional negatives. I have hit myself in the face with the cabinet door because the distance between me and the cabinet is less due to the decrease in belly fat. And, I've dropped things on my toes because the belly isn't big enough for them to hit or bounce off.

Ah, well. Good with the bad I suppose.