Signs, Signs, Everywhere Signs

We had to drive 5 hours to attend the wedding on Memorial Day weekend. It was well worth the effort as a splendid time was had by all!

But, all along the way, I noticed so many signs. Of stupidity.

And not just where other drivers were concerned. The actual signs themselves were often stupid. Like the one there on the left.

Really? You have to tell people not to stop on the railroad tracks? Who doesn't know that you should NOT stop on the railroad tracks? Who doesn't know that the likelihood of getting hit by a train increases dramatically when you stop on the tracks? Who doesn't know that stopping on the tracks when a train is coming results in imminent death?

Seriously, I'm thinking that if someone is stupid enough to stop on the tracks....

And then there's the discussion between the husband and myself about the sign on the right over there.

The husband: "What the hell does that sign mean?"  
Me: "I believe it means slippery when wet."
The husband: "What, so the road is more slippery in this area than others when it's wet?"
Me: "Apparently so."
The husband: "I don't think that's what it means."
Me: "What does it mean then?"
The husband: (making 's' hand movements) "Don't drive like this."
Me: "You mean swervey?"
The husband: "Yeah. I mean, what else could it mean?"
Me: "Uh, Slippery When Wet."

I think I'm beginning to understand why they make a sign that reads, "DO NOT STOP ON TRACKS"

What I learned while on the 5 hour road trip to the wedding:

1. There are ZERO decent radio stations once you leave the Charleston area. Thank God for iPods.
2. The DOT (Department of Transportation) does not give a rat's a$$ about the gazillion pot holes and sizable cracks on I-26. 
3. Playing the license tag game is no fun without the lovelies there to play along.
4. The husband drives like we're in a car that's part of a video game being driven by a 14 year old boy.
5. Next trip will require Valium. Or a plane ticket.
6. It is DUMB to travel on a holiday weekend. 
7. Women miss the hole in the toilet in public restrooms. How that is humanly possible I have no idea but they do. And it's disgusting. If I wanted urine on my toilet seat, I would go into the men's room. 
8. The husband's driving is 100 times worse if he needs to use the restroom.
9. There is no sense in yelling at the GPS in your phone. It does not listen. I'm guessing that, even though the voice on that thing sounds like a female, there's actually a man in there. 
10. The only thing I miss about living in the upstate is the way the Kudzu looks hanging off the trees. 

Tips to a few certain people:

1. If you own a gas station near the interstate, you really should: A. Keep it clean (Not a single restroom we stopped at was clean); B. Have more than one stall in the women's room; C. Keep the toilet paper stocked; D. Have the towel option for drying hands---that blow dryer is stupid; E. Make sure the toilet seats are not broken-particularly if you insist on only having one stall in the women's room; F. Make sure the locks on the doors work; G. Make sure you have hooks on the doors for women to hang their purses/coats/whatever.
2. To the lady in front of us at Subway: Low calorie subway subs lose their low calorie status when you keep saying to the lady--with regards to the mayo--"More...more...more..." until you have about half a freaking bottle of the stuff on your sub. 
3. To the DOT: Fix the damn holes and cracks.
4. To the people in the fast lane: When the slow guy in front of you moves to the slow lane, that is your cue to speed up or move to that lane with him.
5. To the young girl in the red car: Just because you're young doesn't mean you have to be stupid.
6. To the guy in the gray truck: When the thought of changing lanes pops into your pea brain suddenly and without provocation, you should LOOK before you ACT. Moron.
7. To the DOT, again: At one point we were on ONE road. It's name was (and I kid you not)- 73 South, 74 East, 220 South. We were on one road with three names traveling in two directions. Not funny. Make up your mind.
8. To myself: no more watching of the Final Destination movies if that's all you can think of when you pass a logging truck.
9. To the DOT (yep, one more time): Why can't we have pretty flowers in the medians on SC roads like they do in NC? If we're going to have to suffer with the roads being in treacherous conditions at least we can enjoy the scenery. 

There will be more about the trip home soon...stay tuned---

Did you travel over the holiday weekend? Or did you play it smart and stay at home?