Another Modicum of Idiocy

Since Birdie was coming home last weekend and it was the first time we'd left Tucker at home AND because we didn't want Mimi to have to stay any longer than necessary (she was granddog sitting Tucker for us)--whew!--the husband and I decided to drive home after staying at the wedding reception for a couple of hours. (That's right- you don't have to be young to do dumb things).

People who are used to being asleep by 10:00 at night probably shouldn't begin a 5 hour drive home at that time. But we did. And we used the GPS on my phone to do it.

If you can tell in the photo below, the directions highlighted in BLUE is the route the husband wanted to take. It's the way we usually travel home when we're in that general area of NC. Of course, we'd never started from this particular place in NC, but still. The directions highlighted in PINK is the route mapped out for us by my GPS. They make a nice oval shape, see? And there's less than 30 minutes difference between them in the amount of time it takes to arrive home.

Which would have worked out fine. If our brains had left well enough alone.

That first stretch of road in blue- that starts near Greensboro, NC? Yeah. That's called 73 S, 220 S AND 74 E. That's right. ONE road- THREE names. The husband was not amused. And it's sort of like a 4-lane back road. No lights-except the moon. No gas stations. No hotels/motels. Just farm land. Probably really pretty during the day. Oh, and no service---or, intermittent service. At best.

So, this road goes on FOREVER and I'm not getting service. The husband continues to not be amused. He is also not amused by the signs we are seeing as to which towns we'll be traveling through...eventually. Over to my side, meanwhile, I am quietly tapping the hell out of my phone (as if that will make service miraculously appear) and yelling at it in my head. Brilliant is what I am.

FINALLY, we spot a place to pull off- it's closed, but there is light.

The husband: "I don't think this thing is taking us in the right direction."
Me: "It's just not taking us home the way you're used to going."
The husband: "I think it's taking us WAY out of our way to get home."
Me: "I think you're letting your mind focus too much on the signs instead of just letting the GPS do it's thing."
The husband: "Fine. But I think it's a piece of crap." (He really did say crap. We had not yet entered the cursing phase).

He gets back on the road and we continue on.

When we finally hit civilization, the husband's lack of amusement intensifies. Greatly.

The husband: "What the fudge (no, he did not say fudge)?! We're in (explicative) ROCKINGHAM?!
Me: (crickets)
The husband: What the hell are we doing in (explicative) ROCKINGHAM?!
Me: (crickets- but thinking: What the hell are we doing in (explicative) ROCKINGHAM?!

Meanwhile, my phone is about to die. Yep. Insult to injury. Are you wondering why I didn't just plug in into the car charger? Well, I'll tell you why I didn't just plug it into the car charger. Because DoodleBug never returned the car charger when she borrowed it to go to All Good last summer THAT'S why. So I have to go in and out of the navigation app over and over again.

The husband wants to look at a 'real' map.

The husband: "I need to look at a map."
Me: "Ok, get one when you get coffee." (This is our first stop for coffee because, up until this point, there have been zero opportunities for coffee stoppage)
The husband: "I think there's one in the side pocket of the door."
Me: "Great." (thinking to myself--what year was it made?)

He looks at the map but says little to nothing. 

The phone GPS is still telling us to stay on the same road. We're going in the right direction. I tell this to the husband who replies with, "Hrmph." Or something like that. We continue. And we're back in the middle of nowhere. To turn around would mean going back at least an hour in the other direction.

We come to another civilized area and pull into a gas station. The husband wants to look at the map. Again. Because, you know, the roads might have changed since the last time he looked.

And it is decided that we will NOT continue as per the GPS instructions but, rather, go about 50 minutes off the track and then, now get this---right down to the very town that the GPS was sending us where we would take I-95 (which is a straight shot to I-26 which is a straight shot into Charleston).

See the map below? We were in Bennettsville and just needed to head straight down to Florence and hit I-95. He wants to go over to Dillion and THEN down to Florence.    

Guess who's cursing now?

Anyway, we made it home by 3:00 am. Which was only about an hour and a half later than we should have arrived. Of course, some of this is attributed to the 4 stops for coffee. And then the stops for letting the coffee out. And let me just say, once again, that it is totally unfair that guys can pee anywhere.

Tucker was delighted to see us. Mimi---well, she had been up at 3:00 am the previous morning welcoming Birdie home so....

I was up at 7:00 am to walk Tucker and make the breakfast that DoodleBug asked me to make in honor of Birdie's arrival.

You remember DoodleBug. The one who still has the phone charger for the car? Don't worry. We have a new one now. The husband bought it during a coffee stop so I could charge my phone. Just before we got on I-95. You know, just in case.