Wedding Hell...I Mean Planning

The wedding business is a racket. A scam.

Weddings seem to have become a competition of who can throw the showiest event. It's about showing off and drinking and partying and spending money.

I'm not a fan. I wasn't a fan while planning Breezy's (though her's was easier--she knew exactly what she wanted) wedding and, while planning Birdie's, I've found that I am still not a fan.

It's like dragging me kicking and screaming all the way. And you can't even imagine how much restraint it takes on my part to keep my trap shut when a vendor utters something like, "You can do anything you like at our venue to make your love story YOURS." Gag.

But we mothers do things for our kids, don't we?

The last 4 Saturdays have found me doing something wedding related---bridesmaids dress shopping, venue touring, wedding dress shopping, florist consultation, DJ/photobooth meeting, caterer tasting, the cake....it's never ending.

And, while most of the people with whom we meet are very nice, I can't stand it when they spout stupid, rehearsed phrases that they use on everyone. Drives. Me. Nuts. ESPECIALLY when they make such a big deal out of it and then FAIL TO EMAIL YOU THAT CONTRACT INFORMATION.

Which really doesn't matter so much since the kids have changed their minds about the venue. Again.

And then there was the trip to Mens Warehouse to check out the tuxes. Which we found. We also found the PERFECT bow ties to accompany said tuxes which the groom purchased for groomsman gifts. And promptly received a call from the idiot clerk at Mens Warehouse the next day to inform us that the ties weren't available. WTH? HOW did he not have this information when we were in the store????

One of the best things about wedding planning in an empty nest? There aren't any little kids around to hear the words that are coming out of my mouth. Ha!

Oh and then there are  all the vendors you've contacted and set up appointments  with and given the date of the wedding which has now changed back to the original date which had to be changed when two of the venues were not available on the original date. Which means the vendors might not be available now. Good thing no contracts have been signed.

The husband? He's so helpful and supportive.

Him: What are y'all doing today?
Me: Shopping for bridesmaids dresses.
Him: Oh, well I heard on the news that Target is selling bridesmaids dresses and are offering really good deals on them.

Yep. Target. I've seen the dresses. They look like they're from Target. And then, on GMA this week, I saw that Target is offering wedding dresses as well. They showed pictures of designer gowns and then had models come out with the Target equivalents. These dresses were NOTHING alike and the Target ones looked like they were from Target.

Not that I am a supporter of designer brands, but I'm also not a fan of wearing a wedding gown that looks like something K-Mart threw up. It's a wedding NOT prom night.

We do have Birdie's dress. It was created by a designer and it did cost more than the Target dresses. Though is was under $500. Woot!

At this point in time I'm thinking that, since she has procured the dress, they could very well elope.

Or else someone needs to share their Valium prescription.

I'll keep y'all posted.