I read about a mom making her almost one year old stay in his room for playtime. By himself. She mentioned that he howled for over 20 minutes not wanting to do it. Not wanting to stay in his room alone and be forced to play by himself. At 11 months old.
Really?
Do parents do that? For real? I never did and I've never heard of it, so I'm curious. When the lovelies were little, I played with them and taught them and tended to their needs. It was fun. Time with little bits is precious and enjoyable. It's a time of learning for the little one AND for the adult.
As they got older, the lovelies did begin to appreciate independent play. And I believe that they did it when they were ready developmentally. When they had developed a strong sense of security and well-being that led to the self-confidence they needed to venture out in their own time and not need mom around every second of the day.
I believe that, had I forced this (among other things) before they were developmentally ready, we could very well have had some issues.
I also believed that sending them to a mother's morning out program (3 hours/day, 3 days/week) and preschool (3 hours/day, 5 days/week) would teach them how to interact with other kids. They would learn social skills needed to be successful in school. By the time the lovelies entered kindergarten, their social skills were in place and they were ready to learn academically. The pressure was off. Their transition to 'real' school was a cinch.
What I don't understand are the SAHMs who take their little ones to daycare from 8:00 am til 5:00 pm every single day of the week. Aren't they SAHMs for the same reason I was? So that they can raise their own kids and not rely on someone else to do it for them? I heard of one mom who couldn't go to her 2 year old son's Halloween program at daycare because she was going to be busy decorating for a Halloween party at their home. What's up with that?
I believe that children come with an internal, developmental clock that guides them. When certain developmental phases are reached, new activities/behaviors/etc. emerge. Forcing them to do something before they reach each developmental phase could have negative results. Seriously, if a parent feels the need to force a very young child to have independent play time, I have to wonder why? Cause if he/she just wants some quiet time or a cup of coffee, my advice is to GET UP EARLIER.
Ah yes. It's all about balance, isn't it?
ReplyDeleteLeaving a 11 month old alone so they learn to play by themselves?? Really what kind of nut does that. They are still babies and still want to be with you and you are there to cuddle and hold and love. Geez, what is this world coming too. I never could figure out leaving those tiny babies all day at day care. I did that with my son too, but I would pick him up at 11:30 I hated listening to the babies crying because they wanted to go home too. I wonder how they have fared as adults?
ReplyDeleteKeep talking Pam, this stuff needs to be said.
I guess there really are people who have children just to keep up with the Jones'. Now I agree everyone needs a break and some days are worse than others but I took my job as a Mom very seriously.
ReplyDeleteI laugh when SAHMs get a sitter to go to the grocery store. I just packed up the boys and made an adventure out of it.
Betty- Yes. I gotta wonder why it's so difficult to figure that out for these young moms though.
ReplyDeleteKim- Thanks. I know I sound judgmental but it's hard to just sit and watch all this happen.
Terri- Thanks!
Confessions- I didn't think of that but you might have something there. A sitter for the grocery store? Hahahahahaha! I packed up the lovelies and we headed out just like y'all did. A sitter. Sheesh. :)
I wanted Mike so bad that we played together all the time. As he grew independent than there was alone time but he wanted mama and really at times still does.
ReplyDeleteMy best friend did the take her kids to daycare on her days off. I never understood but she said she wanted "me time" so that's why. I figured I will have a life time after Mike grows up for "me time" so had him all the time I could.
I love your opinion Pam. Keep them coming!
Blessings!!
The first time I heard the term "day home", I almost lost it!!! SAHM are supposed to be there for their children....all of them, not just the latest baby! What is happening to families these days???????
ReplyDeleteFor heaven's sake, why can't parents just be parents! People have become utterly self-centered. And it extends to when kids get older too and their moms try to be their best friends, rather than the guiding parents. God gave children parents for a reason. People need to grow up.
ReplyDeleteI also started my kids early with mom's afternoon away programs to ease them into pre-school. Before that we would take mom and tot classes together to teach them socialization. I agree that it's best to do things in small doses if possible.
ReplyDeleteJulie
It's a whole different world now and I sure don't understand many of the young mothers today including some I know very well.....like am related to. 😉
ReplyDeleteI do know some young mothers who are doing a fabulous job too.
Julie- I have plenty of me time now that the lovelies are all grown up. I just felt like it was 'them' time while they were growing up. Hope all is well up your way!
ReplyDeleteRosemary- I don't know. Seems like some people are just flat out selfish nowadays.
Judy- Well put! And Amen! :)
Julie- Yes. It did seem to work out well for the lovelies too. But all day daycare? No way.
nancy- It sure is. I don't either. Yeah, the one who has her little one in forced independent play is a relative. Sheesh.